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by Melanie Baker After the holidays were over, and the last "Happy New Year" had been said, I woke up one morning and realized that I've forgotten who I am. I use to be such a spiritual creature. Yet, here I sat in the broken remnants of what I use to consider a well-rounded, spiritually evolved soul. It deeply saddened me. I looked in the mirror and saw what I've physically become. What I saw in the mirror really disturbed me. I saw every pound that I've gained with each of my three children, and the ones that I put on after I stopped caring anymore. I stared harder and saw my unmanicured nails, and dumpy clothes. I tried staring even harder to look beyond the physical appearance of that person in the mirror, and into her soul. I found that I could not. That person in the mirror was a stranger to me. She was not who I thought I was... definitely not the person I remember being. It was at that moment that I finally woke up. I looked away from the mirror and I looked out the window. I saw that it was more than just a beautiful day. The sky was such a bright blue that it looked almost like a new color had been invented just to paint it. It was amazing. Though it's still Winter, the grass looked greener than ever. Even the leafless trees looked incredibly alive. What I saw before me was perfection. I walked into the other room to check on my sleeping baby. She was all curled up, sleeping on her tummy with a little milk mustache over her mouth. That, I realized, is the definition of innocence. More perfection. All this time, as I was wandering around lost, I have been surrounded by perfection. Why did I not see this before? Then I pinpointed the problem. For the last few years, the beauty of Winter just busting at the seams with the anticipation of becoming Spring, and the innocence of a sleeping child, were external to me. It was then that I remembered. All of these things use to be within me. I had forgotten them over the past few years. Somewhere along the way, beauty, innocence, hope, and self-love had all faded into the background. Suddenly, it all came rushing back. It was one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. I remembered who I was. At that moment, I vowed to never lose it again. I vowed to get to know myself better and to completely restore the person that I had lost. I plan to lose the extra weight and get more in shape. I have started exercising and eating healthier. I plan to become the very spiritual being that I use to be once again, one day at a time. I started meditating again. I started making it a point of appreciating the gifts of the earth more each day. Everyday, I remember to say thank you for the three little miracles that call me Mommy. I have been searching the house for old coats to donate to the Women's Shelter. I started drawing the main character for the series of children's books that I've always wanted to write. It's only the beginning. My life will change from now on. I'll be the person that I know I can be. I can't believe I was lost for so long. I know it's cliche, but today truly is the first day of the rest of my life, and I plan to make the most of every moment. In the hustle and bustle of your busy life, when you have a spare moment, look in the mirror today, and try looking a little deeper. What do you see? Do you recognize that person looking back at you, or are you staring at a stranger? Please, do yourself the favor of looking for a little while longer and ask yourself the question, "Who am I?" I hope you know the answer. But if you don't, please know that the answer can easily be found in a cloud that's floating by, or by watching a child play hopscotch. It really is that simple.
Melanie is also a Parent Station Moderator and Community Leader for The Metaphysical and New Age Forum. |
