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How to Promote Baby Bonding
by James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC
Recently my daughter came to visit me with her one year old daughter,
Malia. I was so excited to see them. They came to visit as my daughter
was involved in some business matters. Amy was selected to accept
a marketing award for her company for a plan she orchestrated involving
a high-rise condominium in Washington, D.C.
The night of the awards ceremony, my daughter left Malia alone with
me. As Amy walked out the door for the evening, Malia stood next to
me and began sobbing. Tears filled her little face as she fell to
the floor. I watched with curiosity. Abruptly, Malia shook off her
distress, got up and meandered into our family room.
Sensing that she was over her troubled feelings about her mother's
departure, I proceeded to check some e-mail messages in my office.
Soon afterwards, as I glanced back across my shoulder, I observed
this little figure approaching me with a very big book. Malia was
pointing at the book and making sounds that let me clearly know that
she wanted it read. She gently handed me the book and then she surprised
me. With arms wide open, she was gesturing for me to hold her. I took
her into my arms and read her favorite book about spring-time flowers.
After we read the story and looked at all the pictures, she nestled
into my arms. I put a blanket around us and relished the moments of
bonding with my baby granddaughter.
Afterwards, I thought about what my daughter was doing right, and
ways in which all mothers can foster their child's bonding:
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Don't "put the breaks" on your life.
As soon as possible, take your baby outside the home. Put your child
in a stroller, and resume normal activity. Go shopping, walking,
do errands, and take your baby to be around other children.
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Don't react to temper tantrums. Don't display anxiousness,
anger, or a desire to fix things for your child. Maintain a sense
of detachment, wait patiently, and move on.
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Don't get hooked into over-dramatizing when your
child gets hurt. Kids can "read" a parent's anxiety and
will learn to "awfulize" negative events.
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Never do for a child what he can do for himself.
Let your baby experience frustration about handling play tasks without
interference. Appropriate frustration teaches self-reliance.
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Get your baby involved with other children and
adults. Don't worry if your baby is cautious at first. Keep exposing
him to new social situations.
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If you drop your child off at a day-care center
or baby-sitter, promptly leave. Don't get caught up in worrying
about any emotional fallout that your baby might experience.
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If you are married or have a partner, make sure
that your connection does not get short-changed because of the baby.
You need to have alone-time, so hire a baby sitter you trust.
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Your partner needs to be involved in every aspect
of your baby's care. If he is unwilling, he should seek counseling
to address the issue. It is that important.
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Displaying affection to your baby is critical.
Put your negative energy aside, and have fun with your baby. Make
mundane experiences like changing a diaper a playful event.
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Surround your child with stimulating toys, games,
dolls and activities. Take your baby to the zoo, ball-games, art
fairs, and social events.
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Read to your child often, and play soft, soothing
music for comfort.
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Read up on child-care topics to develop self-confidence
and choose your pediatrician wisely.
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Remember that parenting is an art, and that mistakes
will be made. As the Good Book says, "Love covers a multitude
of sins."
Babies will bond with others when they are given the freedom to do
so. Don't get so caught up in "stranger danger" that you
inhibit your child from learning ways to connect with others.
James P. Krehbiel is an author, contributing writer, and nationally
certified cognitive-behavioral therapist. His personal growth book
Stepping
Out of the Bubble is available at www.booklocker.com.
James can be reached at www.krehbielcounseling.com
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