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Moms Who Have the Baby Jitters
by James P. Krehbiel, Ed.S., LPC

Although I have never brought a baby into this world, I have heard that it is not an easy task. At least that's what my wife tells me, and I don't question her assessment for a moment! It is a difficult task for mothers.

Now that the baby is born, how does a mother navigate the process of parenting her new child? Since most of us have probably never studied child development, or the art of parenting, what plan of action is necessary to make sure that a child is nurtured and cared for without undue anxiousness and stress.

Often, a mother who is anxious about parenting will over-function by being over-protective. A mother who lacks confidence will display her tentativeness with her child in many ways. This may involve:

Withholding the child from other children, adults, and social situations outside of the home.
Withholding the child from other potential caretakers, such as relatives, day-care programs, and friends.
Over-reacting to a baby's symptoms or illnesses through repeated visits to the doctor's office.
Withholding the baby from exploring his environment and developing curiosity.
Being excessively reactive to a child when she cries or sustains a minor accident.
Being afraid to establish logical consequences for a toddler when he misbehaves.
Being overly-emotionally attached or displaying too much detachment in the parenting process.
Many times, mothers avoid delegating parental responsibilities to others. There may be a fear that others can't manage my child as well as I can.

Most of these problems can be alleviated if you have appropriate support. For example:

How much emotional and practical support do you receive from your partner? Telling your partner (if you have one) what you need and want from him in terms of caretaking is important.
Are you giving yourself time for your own personal needs, interests and desires apart from your baby? Carving out time for yourself is important to maintaining a strong sense of self and rejuvenating your emotional battery.
Do you lean on parents, friends, or neighbors to assist you in the parenting of your child?
Do you have a quality pediatrician who will answer your questions and return your calls without making you feel neurotic? The choice of doctors is important in making you and your baby feel secure.

It is not unusual that I find a process of triangulation established when a baby becomes the buffer for a couple's relationship that is strained. This unnecessary stress may cause a mother to cling co-dependently to her child in order to get her needs met. This pattern is unhealthy for the entire family. I recommend couples counseling in order to promote relationship harmony and unlock partners from this damaging interactional pattern.

The concept that "it takes a village of raise a child" is not far from the truth. Young children need the support of the entire family community. If the family is broken due to strained relationships, fix it for the wellbeing of you baby. You and your child will need parenting, nurturing, coaching, encouragement, and a host of mentors along the path of your child's development. There is no need to have the parental jitters if you can utilize all the resources of the village.

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James P. Krehbiel is an author, freelance writer, licensed professional counselor, and certified cognitive-behavioral therapist practicing in Scottsdale, Arizona. He can be reached through his website at http://www.krehbielcounseling.com.